“As artists, it’s our job to delve into the uncomfortable, the difficult and the challenging.” - J. Leto

uggh... been super busy the last week. but i have two days off and my list of things to do is growing and growing. but all i really kinda wanna do is sit down and watch supernatural. or listen to music. and make sets. or do nothing. is it worth it? all these hours i'm working... all this time i'm sacrificing? i thought maybe it would be. because i can meet 30 seconds to mars but i'm just so tired. and i thought... i was where i was supposed to be. but recently? god, why does it have to be so hard not knowing what's right and what's wrong? why is it so... HARD to know? why can't i know what i'm supposed to do. ugh.

'you can't be disappointed by something you never thought you would get in the first place.' except that's a lie. we all get our hopes up one way or another. because we want to believe that there's this chance, this light at the end of the tunnel so to speak. we hope that there's something great for us, that one day... we all will matter. so despite our best efforts we get our hopes up. only to have them crashing down around us. you try to teach yourself that it'll never happen so you can stop those hopes from being carried away. but no matter how many guards you put up, no matter how many boundaries you have... there's a crack that the hope slips through. we all hope, we all dream for something better. how do we keep staying strong in the face of destruction? after so many let downs and people not believing in you... how can we stay strong?

Wee. So this weeks been fun. Started my second job. My parents are remodeling. Suddenly it feels like it caught up to me. I hate being happy one day and then the next I just want to crawl into a hole. And it sucks feeling so issolated. I miss you. I miss the silly shit we used to talk about. I'm sorry for everything. I need to move on. And I'm trying. It just hurts. I'll get over it. Always do. What hurts the most, is that you know how this feels. Oh well. Breathe. That's allwe can do. Breathe and ttomorrow will be another day.

hey. so peeps should totally join my group, http://www.polyvore.com/we_are_echelon_lll/group.show?id=159177 'cause it'll be awesome. i have GREAT plans for it. and ya know it's not just about MARS. it's about music that saves people. because music... saves people's lives. MARS isn't the only group out there that's done it. they are for me. it's just centered around MARS. anyway, this is short and i may edit it later 'cause i gotta go to work. love you guys.

wow. hi guys. so this is for a couple contests and i'm a little nervous about entering it. but there it is. i don't have much today except i'm tired this morning. i've seriously been thinking about starting a polyvore group for MARS fans like the hive. with updates on their twitter and facebook and stuff. ya think the founding fathers of the hive would mind?
 
anyway, i really, really, REALLY wanted to thank my followers for all the amazing comments and likes. you guys just... thank you. they mean so much to me. and i've decided i'ma make you all a set and tag you guys in it. because you guys mean so much to me. look for it. soon. xD

i... have no idea what this is. i just really wanted an ian somerhalder set. can ya blame me? he's so pretty. and i'm trying to channel my depression in another way. so... art. even though it sucks.
 
anyway, heard My Chemical Romance broke up. i am so, so very very sorry kill joys. i can't even. that's so harsh. i couldn't even imagine what it would be like to hear MARS breaking up. i just, it breaks my heart. and if you guys need anything... the echelon are here.

may 21st is when the new cd comes out. and i cannot wait. it's probably why i have so many jared leto sets pooping out of my ass. i love the title. i love Up In the Air and have been spamming it over the last... day and a half. seriously... this band... they're amazing. they've saved my life. they continue to save my life. i just... music is everything. it's a soothing voice, one that says 'i know you're not okay baby.' and it makes you okay. at least a little bit, anyway. it's a spiritual hug.

a new mars, a new layout. tell me how you like, please?
 
so... i have been thinking. and i know that's never good but... is there something more to life? to this, to us and the whole... everything? i mean... we're born, we exist... we die. the earth is this huge rock and... once there were dinosaurs walking around. will one day that be us? just a fossil in the ground? will scientist dig us up and study our strange behavior? who are we in the scheme of things? what are we? a means to an end? a stepping stone in the long book that belong to earth? are we meant to stay on this planet? are we meant for greater things? is that why in a way we all want something... more? that we are never satisfied? is that why we are constantly looking toward the sky and the stars? dream on... dream... breathe.

...so... this game has stolen my soul. holy cow. it's... amazing. gamers out there i suggest you pick it up. it's probably THE best game i've played in a while. it's got a little bit of every; action/adventure, rpg, puzzle and horror. i am so proud to be a tomb raider fan. it's amazing.
 
anyway... i feel like a ghost. i've been fighting the urges nightly. triggers pop up everywhere but mostly... it's this feeling of being a ghost. i'm not going to let it bother me. i can't let it bother me. i kinda wish i was more like lara; she's a strong character that girls can look up to. she's strong, she's sensitive and she'll do anything to survive. maybe we should all find that inner lara. keep fighting, keep living... keep moving.

...i have a huge headache. this... i don't really know what this is. i think i just wanted to create something. it's not... it isn't pretty. anyway, i'm tired. it seems like i'm always tired. and i know people have it worse than me. anyway, i'm not really going to bore anyone with some sort of message. just remember to breathe because i am.